Older but not wiser

Any boy or girl born at the time I was fifteen will be sixteen this year, at sixteen I was in form four (high school), enjoying life as a student in boarding school. Cigarette was the gift of enjoyment to me those days, a symbol of maturity and adulthood to the naïve and stupid teenager. Look at me today, I’m just older but never wise enough to forget about smoking that killer-cancer-stick, never did. Life goes on, for how long? Not long with that habit. Last week I managed to reduce the consumptions to 5 fags a day, this week I’m back to suicidal behavior by puffing a pack of 14’s everyday.

Danial and Deena are getting older as well, old enough to be in pre-school this year (yes the trend now is to start at 3 years old). The last time an insurance agent came to the house, the figure he popup for my kids local university fees in the future was so scary, let alone oversea university – ‘pokai’ daddy and mommy. Maybe I should concentrate on making him a football player, jokes aside… The Malaysian footballer team is not something to be proud of, a case of too lousy for too long.

Two weeks ago, my son danial was craving for a toy gun. 20 years ago, any macho daddy will rush to the nearest ‘kedai runcit’ to buy that plastic gun, the old cowboy gun with its special belt and if you’re lucky daddy might get you the plastic bullets together with handcuffs. None of my friend who used to have toy gun turn up to be a killer, except for ‘Karim daging’ from my primary school days. He inherited the family business, a butcher at ‘Pasar Teluk Intan’, killing a man? NEVER.

Nowadays I need to practice my doubtful psychological skill, telling Danial the rational behind the idea of not buying or even playing with toy gun. A week later, I succumb to his cute persuasive effort and it was a funny looking gun from TESCO. Still wonder why does that RM3.90 gun has got a man inside the top half (it is a bit complicated to explain), Thank god the battery lasted only four two days, I might need by-pass if the irritating sound continue for another day.

I often listen or watched the motivational religious talk stressing on the fact that this life is temporary and cereal, after life last forever. As I grow older, the urgency can no longer be ignored, demolishing the darker side is a priority before it’s too little too late, easier said. On maalhijrah day I thought I’ve watched the best Malay Drama for the past two years, by far. Remember how they said, as you get older you’ll be closer to the life six feet under? “Tapak Kubur” was a scary title, but it was never spooky, not the ghost stuff but just facts about life and death. Every muslim believes that this life is temporary, but the temptation often hides the absolute facts. No point giving synopsis, grab the Astro guide and look out for the re-run in Astro Ria. What we exercise might not be good enough for special entry pass to good life after, will our future generation be better with the knowledge we’ve prepared? Or will they be doing things according to trends of people within the religion which sometimes lean towards material and glamour?

I’ve been busy with work lately; meetings after meetings drained my energy by the time I’m home. As if that is not enough, my two kid’s ability to constantly shouting, calling name “Ayah!” followed by the instruction “look!” siphon whatever left in my brain. The kid’s performing arts varies from wall colouring, flipping tv channels at critical moment, stuffing LEGOS into tiny spaces on the speakers or even spraying cologne at different locations. But they are making me and my wife happy.